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Monday, February 28, 2011

You've all experienced this, maybe not the deodorant sniffing but the other stuff!

Take yourself back to high school... I'm very sorry if this reduces you to a shaking mess in the corner, hold my hand and we'll get through it together..

It doesn't matter which clique you belonged to, from Mathlete to Goth you will have an example of what I am about to discuss.

Put aside all the flash back pain you may be experiencing now and take yourself to a happy place. A place where that one person who, when they'd walk past, would make your stomach turn over, your heart race and your hands sweaty.

The one who's name you would write next to yours at night to try and work out your love percentage by using a very complicated maths theory which involved adding all of the letters in your name together according to the availability of the letters L.O.V.E.

The one you would race down to the canteen just to be able to stand in line next to, the one you auditioned to be in a play with even though you knew deep down you could never remember the words to Hamlet.. The one who's deodorant fell out at sport and you kept in your locker just to steal a sniff each day...Whaaat? only me? Ok then...

For me, his name was Chris Cornell. Even saying his name now makes my heart race a little. He was my first absolute high school crush.

His coolness factor was off the charts. His Father drove a vintage porsche, he shared a name with the lead singer of Sound Garden who were big amoung our school community. He had blonde hair that was styled similarly to Kurt Cobain's (who was hitting his peak at this time also) he had amazing eyes, tanned skin, long muscular limbs and could sing. SWOON.

His hotness covered a 3 grade radius.. By that I mean the girls in the year below, in his year and the one above where all in love with him.. Obviously not that same love I felt, silly superficial cows. My love was real and deep and belonged on the "Wonder years" with Kevin and Winnie.

Well folks, yesterday while sitting in the movies with my two daughters about to embark on a slaying of the classic Romeo and Juliet (Gnomeo and Juliet).... I heard someone say...

"Emy Rusciano"

I think you know where I am going with this.

IT WAS CHRIS CORNELL!

My God, so many thoughts and emotions.. I'll try and give them to you in order:

1. Shit I'm not wearing any make up!
2. Oh he looks amazing.
3. Damn my children are here.
4. Shut up you love your kids.
5. Yes but they make me seem un available.
6. You are un avaialable you twat you're married.
7. Shhh brain, Chris might hear you.
8. Wait, he's in a kids movie.. He must have kids.
9. Shit, he's married.. So are you, remember...
10. Oh God it's been too long I have to say something..

Em: "Chris! Wow, how did you know it was me?"

Oh BRILLIANT Em. Great opening line for the man you obsessed over for most of high school.

Chris: "I see you on the TV each week, it wasn't hard"

Brain going into melt down.... He's been watching me on the TV?!

Em: "What? Really.. You, um... watch TV.. Of course you do.. So Oh.. You've seen me on the TV"

Mayday! Mayday! We were heading for a crash landing...

Chris: "Are these your girls?"

It took me  a while to respond to this one, for 10 seconds I was standing at the bus stop I had shared with him during high school. They were the greatest 5 minutes of each day..

Em: "Oh, yes. This is Chella and Odie. Are you here with offspring also?"

Chris: "Yes, I've got 2 here and 2 on the way... This is my wife....." (I've blocked her name out, it must have been too painful for me to take in)

Yes, he is an almost Father of four... He has a lovely wife, they live near where he and I grew up they go to the movies together on Sundays and he hasn't aged ONE DAY..

The movie started and so of course I sat there analyzing and agonizing over the 3 minute conversation we had squeezed in.. I had to make up for my atrocities when the lights came up so I started workshopping ideas..

I would ask about the impending birth to throw them off the fact I still obviously had a school girl crush..

I would talk about my husband, YES MY HUSBAND! Someone loves me now that's right!

As the lights came up I steadied myself, I knew this had the potential to go horribly wrong.. I needed this to end on witty banter at the very least.

We gathered up our respective children and walked slowly up the stairs..

This was it Em, get it together.. Nothing boring or inane.. You need pizazz and brilliance..

However, as I looked at him with his two impossibly beautiful sons and glowing pregnant wife who he obviously adored I realised I was being ridiculous..

What did I think was going to happen? I'd impress him so much he'd obviously want to go back in time and be my boyfriend? Because that's as far as I had got. I wanted him for my 14 year old self- it wasn't practical for now..

Once I remembered I was in fact 31 and not 14 I was able to look at him through adult eyes and see that ship had well and truly sailed, as had mine...

In the end we talked about gestational diabetes and nappies... I gave him a kiss and a hug (swoon- look I'm only human ok) and wished him all the best.

I should also point out I never ever got more than a hug from this man. I spent most of high school on and off with his best friend.. (Lets not delve into that one too deeply huh?)

Have an amazing day, relive that first crush today.. Facebook stalk them if you must. I insist!

See you tomorrow.

E x

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Relax Julia!

OK! I admit it. I was sucked into the romanticism of a female Prime Minister.

Sure, I felt sorry for Kev. When he gave his wobbly chin goodbye speech I shed a tear - I'm not a robot.

I was also swept away in the Kevin 07 campaign. Besides the campaign name having excellent alliteration, here was this silver haired fox ready to take our country out of the clutches of the old blue bloods and inject some much needed life and left into our decaying political system.

I'll digress for a second, beg your forgiveness for being a wanker and say that I have interviewed Kevin Rudd several times. I had the IMMENSE privilege of speaking to him after he apologised to the stolen generation. It was one of the greatest moments of my life, up there with meeting Lionel Ritchie - I was bursting with emotion.

Oh Kev... You came out of the blocks with such promise.

You'd been to the strippers, we loved that.

You spoke Mandarin, we were OK with that.

Sadly, in the end you seemed to be away for most of the time and left a legacy of dodgy ceiling insulation, rumours of tantrums over hair dryer speeds and an emissions trading scheme farce.

Enter the RED HEADED SAVIOUR!

I bought into Julia, why wouldn't I? Such shiny hair, such kind eyes, not Tony Abbott.
Julia valued education and health and when that woman gives a hug she commits.

Now, several months in I find myself asking one very large question. What does Julia Gillard stand for? What are the burning issues that keep her up at night? What does she believe in? Why does she present as a robot now instead of the charismatic and passionante woman she once seemed to be.

It appears she has bowed to the ridiculous expectations the Australian public place on our politicians- That they must live as though they're in Victorian times, that they must be infallible, benign and beige.

While I'm not sure what she stands for, we all know what she's against - Gay marriage.
Her stance on this issue flummoxed me. Tony Abbott can hide behind his "religion"as it's a sin for a such a union to take place. What was Julia's reasoning? When pressed she bleats on about "clear party policy" and that their stance "refects where there community is at".

As Julia Gillard is yet to give a clear cut reason as to why she's PERSONALLY against gay marriage I thought I'd come up with a few for her.... Then I reaslised none of them could apply... So I'm still a little lost... Aaaaaaaany way:

1. Worried about procreation- Julia has chosen not to have any children.
2. Doesn't think non tradiotional unions should not be recognised - Julia is in a defacto relationship.
3. Religion - Julia is an atheist.
4. Believes in up holding traditional policies - Females weren't allowed to vote until 1903. If it weren't for the tireless campaigning of women's groups she may not be in the position she is today. Sometimes, traditional policies are stale, out dated and in need of modernising. She has benefited from exactly that happening. Just because something is deemed inappropriate years ago doesn't mean it is now or in the future.

With the recent floods, cyclones and fires our politicians have been very prevalent in the media. Social media has been closely scrutinizing their every move, reaction and tear. With regards to the floods - Julia was critised for being too "wooden". To be fair, I thought she handled it beautifully.

It was Anna Bligh's show to run; I think Julia did what most women would have done in that situation. Offered her unwavering support and in no way felt the need to undermine the authority of the person in charge.

Tony Abbott was recently caught up in a shit storm for saying "shit happens" during a highly charged military conversation. GOD HELP ME I supported him on that one. He allowed himself to get caught up in the moment without thought or care to how it may have effected him politically. If it weren't for some opportunistic editing on ch 7's behalf he may have won back some support. At least he was being authentic.

It would be remiss of me not to mention Bob Brown and his Greens wouldn't it? I'll say this; good in theory however as Malcolm Turnbull said "there are none so pure as the impotent." Lets see some major policy put into play and then I'll be a believer.

I know this is ended up being more of a vent than a blog post but I make the rules here so it is what it is.

Basically, I want more for those in charge of running our country. I want to know what it is they believe in. I want passion, I want AUTHENTICITY and I want fearlessness.

To Julia Gillard I wish to say - Relax lady. Be yourself.


Make a difference this week you lot.

E x

Monday, February 7, 2011

Boof heads should not be role models.

I try to keep this blog a place of self reflection, self ridicule and musings.

Today I will actually have an opinion.

An issue has come up yet again that I feel must be addressed.

Friends remember, if you disagree with what I have to say here- that's Ok! It doesn't make either one of us a bad person... It just makes you wrong... (I joke - couldn't resist)

I was at a cafe this morning and overheard a couple women discussing the recently bought to light antics of a few of the Western Bulldogs players. One felt it was a disgrace and wondered what was she going to tell her 6 yr old who was a "mad Doggies fan." That these footballers were role models to young kids and blah blah blah blah blah...

In my very humble opinion athletes should not be held up as role models for children in the area of "desirable personal attributes." Sporting prowess? Absolutely. If I ever have a son I would want him to be able to go in hard like Glen Archer did, I would not want him to look to Brendan Fevola for financial advice or to Nick Riewoldt for personal grooming tips.. (I am still scarred by that image)

The article in the Herald called it a "Youtube disgrace." For those of you not aware, during their end of season trip last year to China a few of the WBD players among them Adam Cooney who is a, GASP Brownlow medalist (this was mentioned numerous times in the piece as though it should make him immune to stupidity) and Jarrad Grant misbehaved on a night out. After exiting a bar they stopped a couple of cabs, got on the bonnet of a car and were involved in some VERY questionable dancing (Adam Cooney's pelvic thrusting is quite impressive) and yes, were generally behaving like douche bags.

I have watched this video and the only disgrace I can see is the bloke in the devil horns attempting to do the "worm." It is a truly shocking display, he should have a good hard look at himself in the mirror.

Someone taped it unbeknown to them and posted it on Youtube, it's already had over (another gasp) 8000 views... Make no mistake it's bratty, stupid and arrogant behaviour but it's not a reason to call for their guernseys.

Watch the bad behaviour here.

The club were quick to respond using language like "frustrated" and "disappointed." Bulldogs CEO Simon Garlick went as far to say they may need to reconsider their careers as footballers... Wow! Slightly over the top don't you think?

In my opinion the club should have said: "This is a non story, they were off the clock, no laws were broken, no injuries sustained- you should all seriously consider getting lives" but obviously put it in wanky football administrative terms.

To those of you yelling at the computer "Em, AFL players choose their occupation and get paid handsomely thus forfeit the right to a normal life and should accept their role model status" I say this:

I don't believe footballers knowingly "choose" to open up their private lives for our entertainment.
My husband and I had a VERY heated debate over this point. He feels lots of information is given to players before and during their time in AFL clubs about what comes with being a player in today's climate. That by choosing football they also accept the reality of public scrutiny on the rest of their non football lives. (It should be pointed out my husband's job is to help AFL players, coaches and executives deal with the pressures of their lives so that their professional performance is optimal- he's the expert) I say when they start out they are 18 and just want to play footy, they are incapable of fully understanding what awaits them should they stuff up along the way. Once they do stuff up, it's far bigger and scarier than anything they could have imagined.

I accept it's a players responsibility to conduct themselves in a manner that doesn't embarrass the club the game or anyone else, but why should these footballers be expected to show my children how to be honest, humble and generally good humans when all they really signed up for was to play footy? Some of these guys are genuine dickheads but my God can they kick. I would hope that my kids would be able to discern which attribute is more desirable to have - that's MY job as a parent.

If a child sees a picture of his favorite player, oh I don't know, posing inappropriately with a dog and thinks that it's ok to do the same - I'd say there are some deeper issues there at play.

The whole notion of a"role model" is flawed anyway. No one person could be held up and deemed the perfect specimen for a child to "model" their "role" as a human on.. I have many, many attributes I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy yet alone my children and I'm their Mother. I hope they get my uncanny ability to line up the centre of anything without the use of a tape measure; I sincerely hope they both bypass my crippling anxiety and the neurotic behaviour that results.

There has been some bloody ridiculous behavior by some AFL players, I don't deny that. I am not here to defend the boof heads, I am here to say that I do not expect said boof heads to teach my children right from wrong.

Have an adventurous week.

E x