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Monday, July 18, 2011

Ever sent an email you'd sell your first born to get back?

I rarely get embarrassed. It's not because I have some sort of herculean self esteem barrier that protects me, oh no. It's because I am a control freak of ulcer producing proportions..


Everything I do is agonized over and well thought out. Except perhaps this blog. This is my one place of opening up the veins and letting it all pour out. That's why it's appropriate that I am here gearing up to tell you of an embarrassing event. One that involves an old blog, my high school sweetheart and an email.


Intrigued? Oh you should be.. Be prepared to laugh like a little girl at my expense.


A while back I wrote this blog "You've all experienced this." I'm sorry but you are going to have to go and familiarize yourself with this blog to get MAXIMUM enjoyment out of this one..


When one of you leaves a comment on the blog I get an email so that I can moderate the crazies. I received an email on Friday that told me "MatChap34" had left a comment on the above blog.


My heart kinda raced a bit, then it stopped, then it started again, then it raced again and THEN the sweating began. If you recall the last line of my blog "I dated his best friend on and off for most of high school- but let's not look too deeply into that." things may start to fall into place. If I now tell you that Chris's best friend's name, the one I dated for most of high school, is Matt Chapman, you should be right where you need to be.


Oh yes my friends, the one person I never really thought would read this confession of secret love actually read it AND commented.. The boy I did love in high school, the one who's friend I admitted to lusting after HAD READ MY BLOG.  I'll save you the trouble of clicking on the link again. The comment said:


Match34 said...






"I believe his best friend @ high school just read your blog....he is literally shattered."

Oh dear me. Dear baby Jesus in heaven.. Was he serious? I hadn't seen or spoken to this person in nearly 16 years. I bumped into him once 8 yrs ago but it was awkward and we were both in a rush. No meaningful contact since 1995. Had I poisoned all his fond memories of us? We were off and on for the better part of 4 years which is a pretty big deal in high school. He truly was my 1st love, his friend Chris (the subject of the offending blog) had just been beautiful eye candy. All my real teenage angst went into Matt.

Well, I did what any self respecting internet stalker would do. I set about finding Matt. I just had to set things right with him. I got his email address easily enough and composed the following email:

"Matthew,



Sometimes us writer/comedian/performer types pump things up in stories to make them more interesting. While I did think Chris was breathtakingly beautiful, my heart well and truly belonged to you. There is an entire segment devoted to you in my stage show and you will always be my first love. 

I literally had to google you to find this email address. I truly feel like a stalker. 

Your comment near broke my heart and I felt an intense need to set the record straight. 

I hope this finds you well.

Em Rusciano." 


I thought that was Ok. It hopefully explained things and made him feel better about our time together. 

With my guilt alleviated I went off to have a shower, upon returning to my computer I saw that Matt had responded. What I read caused me much anxiety/embarrassment/shock/ (did I mention embarrassment?) 

"Em, 

I think someone else must have posted the comment... But thank you for following up!

Regards,

Matthew Chapman"

JESUS H CHRIST!

He had never read the blog.

Someone pretending to be him had posted the comment.

HE HAD NEVER READ THE BLOG! I HAD EMAILED HIM FOR NO REASON.

I had emailed him like some sort of lunatic thinking I was such a good person but really coming across like a woman who lives on a hill with 13 cats. 

I didn't know how to proceed so I did what I always do in times of crisis, phoned my bestie Michael. 
You see, Michael is well aware of the whole "Chris Cornell/Matt Chapman" phenominum as he attended the same high school I did. After laughing so hard he dropped his phone, he advised a "cap in hand" follow up email be sent. So I emailed this:

"That's not at all embarrassing, not one bit..


Maybe don't read the blog in question, best for both of us!


Em." 



Well, of course he went and read it and sent the following in response:

"Em,


I've read it, but don't fret - I was only slightly offended and only considered retribution for ten minutes or so... I did think about calling Carrie (Bickmore) and asking her to embarrass you on camera but thought better of it.

How are your lovely parents? 

Matt." 



Well, it was done and he had handled it with such grace and aplomb I actually felt OK about my wanky email.


So, this one is dedicated to you Matthew. Thanks for being so fond of me when I was 12-15: a short haired, freckle faced, flat chested, sport loving, drama nerd. Also, thanks for being so understanding of me now: a 32 year old short haired, freckle faced, flat chested, gay loving, drama queen.


E x