Follow by Email

Monday, February 28, 2011

You've all experienced this, maybe not the deodorant sniffing but the other stuff!

Take yourself back to high school... I'm very sorry if this reduces you to a shaking mess in the corner, hold my hand and we'll get through it together..

It doesn't matter which clique you belonged to, from Mathlete to Goth you will have an example of what I am about to discuss.

Put aside all the flash back pain you may be experiencing now and take yourself to a happy place. A place where that one person who, when they'd walk past, would make your stomach turn over, your heart race and your hands sweaty.

The one who's name you would write next to yours at night to try and work out your love percentage by using a very complicated maths theory which involved adding all of the letters in your name together according to the availability of the letters L.O.V.E.

The one you would race down to the canteen just to be able to stand in line next to, the one you auditioned to be in a play with even though you knew deep down you could never remember the words to Hamlet.. The one who's deodorant fell out at sport and you kept in your locker just to steal a sniff each day...Whaaat? only me? Ok then...

For me, his name was Chris Cornell. Even saying his name now makes my heart race a little. He was my first absolute high school crush.

His coolness factor was off the charts. His Father drove a vintage porsche, he shared a name with the lead singer of Sound Garden who were big amoung our school community. He had blonde hair that was styled similarly to Kurt Cobain's (who was hitting his peak at this time also) he had amazing eyes, tanned skin, long muscular limbs and could sing. SWOON.

His hotness covered a 3 grade radius.. By that I mean the girls in the year below, in his year and the one above where all in love with him.. Obviously not that same love I felt, silly superficial cows. My love was real and deep and belonged on the "Wonder years" with Kevin and Winnie.

Well folks, yesterday while sitting in the movies with my two daughters about to embark on a slaying of the classic Romeo and Juliet (Gnomeo and Juliet).... I heard someone say...

"Emy Rusciano"

I think you know where I am going with this.


My God, so many thoughts and emotions.. I'll try and give them to you in order:

1. Shit I'm not wearing any make up!
2. Oh he looks amazing.
3. Damn my children are here.
4. Shut up you love your kids.
5. Yes but they make me seem un available.
6. You are un avaialable you twat you're married.
7. Shhh brain, Chris might hear you.
8. Wait, he's in a kids movie.. He must have kids.
9. Shit, he's married.. So are you, remember...
10. Oh God it's been too long I have to say something..

Em: "Chris! Wow, how did you know it was me?"

Oh BRILLIANT Em. Great opening line for the man you obsessed over for most of high school.

Chris: "I see you on the TV each week, it wasn't hard"

Brain going into melt down.... He's been watching me on the TV?!

Em: "What? Really.. You, um... watch TV.. Of course you do.. So Oh.. You've seen me on the TV"

Mayday! Mayday! We were heading for a crash landing...

Chris: "Are these your girls?"

It took me  a while to respond to this one, for 10 seconds I was standing at the bus stop I had shared with him during high school. They were the greatest 5 minutes of each day..

Em: "Oh, yes. This is Chella and Odie. Are you here with offspring also?"

Chris: "Yes, I've got 2 here and 2 on the way... This is my wife....." (I've blocked her name out, it must have been too painful for me to take in)

Yes, he is an almost Father of four... He has a lovely wife, they live near where he and I grew up they go to the movies together on Sundays and he hasn't aged ONE DAY..

The movie started and so of course I sat there analyzing and agonizing over the 3 minute conversation we had squeezed in.. I had to make up for my atrocities when the lights came up so I started workshopping ideas..

I would ask about the impending birth to throw them off the fact I still obviously had a school girl crush..

I would talk about my husband, YES MY HUSBAND! Someone loves me now that's right!

As the lights came up I steadied myself, I knew this had the potential to go horribly wrong.. I needed this to end on witty banter at the very least.

We gathered up our respective children and walked slowly up the stairs..

This was it Em, get it together.. Nothing boring or inane.. You need pizazz and brilliance..

However, as I looked at him with his two impossibly beautiful sons and glowing pregnant wife who he obviously adored I realised I was being ridiculous..

What did I think was going to happen? I'd impress him so much he'd obviously want to go back in time and be my boyfriend? Because that's as far as I had got. I wanted him for my 14 year old self- it wasn't practical for now..

Once I remembered I was in fact 31 and not 14 I was able to look at him through adult eyes and see that ship had well and truly sailed, as had mine...

In the end we talked about gestational diabetes and nappies... I gave him a kiss and a hug (swoon- look I'm only human ok) and wished him all the best.

I should also point out I never ever got more than a hug from this man. I spent most of high school on and off with his best friend.. (Lets not delve into that one too deeply huh?)

Have an amazing day, relive that first crush today.. Facebook stalk them if you must. I insist!

See you tomorrow.

E x


Anonymous said...

What is it with school crushes that still freak us out?!
I had a primary school crush. I was 8 when my friend asked him out for me. He said no because he didn't want to ruin the friendship...wise words...
I still feel embarrassed when people talk about him. And he's lost his looks and has kids and a partner...yet if I was to run into him at the shops I would probably clam up and act like a weirdo.

Vanessa said...

I seriously fall in love like 50 times a day.. to remember the first is impossible hahaha

loz271822 said...

Wow I was 13 chubby, freckles and to top it off I had red hair .. He was 13 hot and all the girls loved him :-/ but he was so shy and sweet he hated all the girls making a fuss of him :-/ so he started talking to the only girl who wasn't all over him :-) ... Yep that was me:-) being a red headed chubby kid I was to shy to talk to him ... It took 6 months but we ended up going out for a yr and a half all because I was shy :-) to this day he is still gorgeous ... And the funny thing is he married a ranger hahaha xx L

Danielle said...

My primary school crush/sorta boyfriend is now happily married to one of my best friends! It is kinda unspoken but she knows that I kissed him before she did (Yes that 5 second peck on the lips with 30 12 yr olds chanting does count!!)

Emelia Rusciano said...

I love that an 8 year old had the maturity to know that taking things to "another level" could have the potential to ruin your all important friendship.

Emelia Rusciano said...

50 times a day Vanessa! Slow down there girl.. Perhaps you need to raise the bar on who wins your love? Yes they should be breathing but perhaps take it a step further!! I hope one day you find authentic, true love.. Em x

Emelia Rusciano said...

Loz, as the Mother of a ranger I can say they are good stock. Hold that fanta pants head up high..

E x

Emelia Rusciano said...

Danielle, it's always good to have that kind of pathetic power over a friend. Hold onto it sister! Em x

Daniel said...

You suggest Facebook stalking one's first love. Sadly, that is a little hard for me (yes, I've already tried it) because his not-uncommon first name is paired with an equally-not-uncommon surname to make about a gajillion hits on Facebook.

This is a source of constant disappointment for me.

Anonymous said...

Oh Em, cringed my way through this one! I know the feeling. Saw an ex at a party not long ago, we both with new partners, I felt oddly exposed like the dream where you to go school in the nude. "Does he know I have a crush on him? Does his wife? Does my boyfriend? Does everybody in the room?" But the crush wasn't a now crush, it was a then crush. Now.

Eileen said...

ok. here goes. it is 1986 and i'm 17 and returned to high school after a years break and with a whole new group of friends. i had sort of decided that i might be gay but had no network or understanding of who to turn to. my new friend was beautiful, blonde and very affectionate (read kind). i fell for her so badly that vodka became my other best friend. being gay in a western suburbs high school was just not on and when everyone found out about the crush - i thought my life was over. it was my beautiful blonde friend who i so adored who told me she'd help me get through it. i was so confused! i did everything in my power to be with her. i invented stalking, i think. i just couldn't cope. her many boyfriends became my allies because they knew that i had to like them as well. we were so close and it didn't matter to her at all. she wanted to be loved and our friendship provided that - along with her many boyfriends. we drifted apart for many years as she lived in qld and i'd forgotten all about her till she came back to live in melb about 8 years ago. all those flames were still there. i still felt like i did in high school but only older! then we drifted again. she came back with new partner and a baby on the way. one day i looked at her and though to myself, i am finally over you! an enormous weight was finally released and that was that. the sad thing is i don't really want to make contact with her again. she is back in qld, married with children. (sorry for this being too long.)

m said...

just wanted to say how much i *LOVED* this post, and am enjoying the blog in general. Just a shame you don't write more often...

(i'm a bit late on this one, i know, but the last times i tried to post here, for some reason i couldn't??)

Match34 said...

I believe his best friend @ high school just read your blog....he is literally shattered.

Em Rusciano said...

His best friend should be re-assured to know that he gets an ENTIRE segment in my stage show and is still referred to as "the love of Em's life" by my parents..