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Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Keeping it nice at the races.

Yesterday I was disbursed by my employer the 7pm Project to cover the Melbourne cup. There are still two big days left on the spring racing carnival and I just felt some sort of an intervention needed to be done after viewing the many disturbing sights I saw yesterday.

I give you: 
Em's guide to keeping it nice at the races - because as we all know, the difference between triumph and tragedy can be just half a length or just half a Champagne.

1. Shoes on AT ALL TIMES ladies. I CANNOT stress this enough. If you cannot go the distance don't wear the footwear simple as that. In fact do not remove any part of your outfit unless it's a jacket. The Melbourne cup is not the place to get your kit off and dance like it's 1999.

2. Do not allow yourself to get completely horizontal AT ANY POINT. Having a cheeky Nanna nap is not a good look. 

3. Do not under any circumstances use a garden bed for a toilet/rest area.

4. Have a sober friend who's sole purpose is to maintain the groups dignity.

5. Chugging Champers STRAIGHT from the bottle is a no no.

6. Have either cleavage OR legs out. Repeat "OR" not "AND".

7. Decent underwear as it can get windy.

8. The only "mounting" of a filly should be happening on the track NOT OFF.

9. Do not let your boyfriend "design" your outfit and keep it for a "surprise" on the day. When you watch the video below please take note of the poor blonde girl in the silk cream and green number. Wardrobe malfunctions were occurring every time the wind changed.

10. If it's going to rain be prepared. Cutting a hole in a garbage bag is just not a good look. Also the "drowned rat" look is so last year.

Thus ends my public service announcement. If you missed it, below is the link to my Melbourne Cup 7pm project story. You have to go about 5 minutes in before it starts.

Keep it nice, think of your Mother.

E x

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